Pheonix Rising
My general state of existence is happy. I make a conscious effort to do things that I feel like doing. Good or bad, I do not ponder over things much. Do it first and save the brain exercise for a later point of time. But I have decided to follow the "Look-Before-You-Leap" mode of playing safe, from now on. The happenings over the last 3 days made me look at life and relationships in an entirely new perspective.
In every sense. Got to learn a few things for free: being sincere often comes with the disadvantage of being disillusioned. The more sincerity you show, the more it hurts when not reciprocated. And you end up feeling taken for granted and insignificant. Hmmm...learnings from the ruins of friendship.For once, something that I cherished and enjoyed for the last 2-3 weeks, suddenly seemed a big burden. The worst part is, am completely clueless about how to get rid of it and make the slate clean. In the beginning of every new relationship, we judge its duration by the intimacy and comfort-level it offers. If you share a really great rapport by being able to compliment each other and understand each other, then you consider yourself lucky. You think you have just found a friend-for-ever. Once you spent enough time together, you want to take the relationship to the next level. Do not mistake me here. I am not talking about Friendship-turned-Love. More like good friends-to best friends-to intimate friends kind of thing. I am doubtful if that good old cycle of friendship still exists. The new unwritten (and unfortunate) rule says that every friendship should culminate in romance. What rubbish.The starting of the level-2 was indeed shaky. The intimacy and freedom were missing. Somehow the equation was not working out. I thought "OK don't jump the gun now. Give it some time.....". After all, level-1 was a great success. But as it progressed I understood that I was wrong from the very beginning. Many aspects like gender, society, self-consciousness came into play, which never mattered earlier. And somewhere, the things that we earlier enjoyed doing, turned lackluster. I waited patiently for a while. Made a conscious effort to put things in back place.
I had finished writing this much, when it was time for me to start to office. So i just sent that to the infosys ID to post it in infyblogs.I posted it with a melancholic note, saying that "I should let it go for my own good". But after talking with each other, I decided to re-visit my decision. If we both are comfortable with it, why not giving it another try...But this time, both of us have decided to stick to what we are good at : Chat, without any additional emotional burden. Right choice, I must say.
So at the end of this eventful week, I find myself cleansed and relaxed. What an emotional roller-coaster it had been!!!!!!!!!But as they say, at the end of the tunnel, there is light. DJ and me are again in love; in every sense. I feel like that old 18 year old, who could do ANY irrational and illogical thing for putting a smile on his face. I feel alive again.
In every sense. Got to learn a few things for free: being sincere often comes with the disadvantage of being disillusioned. The more sincerity you show, the more it hurts when not reciprocated. And you end up feeling taken for granted and insignificant. Hmmm...learnings from the ruins of friendship.For once, something that I cherished and enjoyed for the last 2-3 weeks, suddenly seemed a big burden. The worst part is, am completely clueless about how to get rid of it and make the slate clean. In the beginning of every new relationship, we judge its duration by the intimacy and comfort-level it offers. If you share a really great rapport by being able to compliment each other and understand each other, then you consider yourself lucky. You think you have just found a friend-for-ever. Once you spent enough time together, you want to take the relationship to the next level. Do not mistake me here. I am not talking about Friendship-turned-Love. More like good friends-to best friends-to intimate friends kind of thing. I am doubtful if that good old cycle of friendship still exists. The new unwritten (and unfortunate) rule says that every friendship should culminate in romance. What rubbish.The starting of the level-2 was indeed shaky. The intimacy and freedom were missing. Somehow the equation was not working out. I thought "OK don't jump the gun now. Give it some time.....". After all, level-1 was a great success. But as it progressed I understood that I was wrong from the very beginning. Many aspects like gender, society, self-consciousness came into play, which never mattered earlier. And somewhere, the things that we earlier enjoyed doing, turned lackluster. I waited patiently for a while. Made a conscious effort to put things in back place.
I had finished writing this much, when it was time for me to start to office. So i just sent that to the infosys ID to post it in infyblogs.I posted it with a melancholic note, saying that "I should let it go for my own good". But after talking with each other, I decided to re-visit my decision. If we both are comfortable with it, why not giving it another try...But this time, both of us have decided to stick to what we are good at : Chat, without any additional emotional burden. Right choice, I must say.
So at the end of this eventful week, I find myself cleansed and relaxed. What an emotional roller-coaster it had been!!!!!!!!!But as they say, at the end of the tunnel, there is light. DJ and me are again in love; in every sense. I feel like that old 18 year old, who could do ANY irrational and illogical thing for putting a smile on his face. I feel alive again.
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